


Remembering Sunday

by lattemochi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Angst, Based on an All Time Low Song, Bokuto has incredible emotional intelligence, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not gender neutral sorry, POV Bokuto Koutarou, Reader is depressed, References to Depression, Self-Indulgent, Songfic, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26938966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lattemochi/pseuds/lattemochi
Summary: She was beautiful. He never imagined he’d fall in love with someone like her; but he did. That morning the sky shone brightly through the clouds, it was about to rain. If he thought about it, she was like the day he met her.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Remembering Sunday

**Author's Note:**

> If you're uncomfortable with mentions of depression, implied suicide or overall angsty stuff please consider not reading. This was a very self-indulgent and personal thing but I thought I'd might share it. Thanks for reading !

_She was beautiful. He never imagined he’d fall in love with someone like her; but he did. That morning the sky shone brightly through the clouds; it was about to rain. If he thought about it, she was like the day he met her._

_He saw her for the first time at the boardwalk. Well, she bumped into him. Like every morning, he was on his way to college, and something walked past him, hitting him on his shoulder. It wasn’t his intention, he didn’t even know why he’d follow someone he didn’t know, but he did. Her clothes weren’t for working out and she was running way too fast, something was wrong. It didn’t take too long for him to reach her._

_“Hey, sorry!” he shouted, putting a hand on her shoulder. The girl turned quickly, a frightened expression on her face. “Are you ok?” she didn’t answer. “I mean, you walked past me and…”_

_“Did I hit you? I’m so sorry, I truly didn’t mean it…” she apologized and tried to keep her path. Again, he didn’t know why, but he grabbed her arm softly, without letting her go._

_“Are you ok?” he repeated. The girl raised her eyebrows, confused. She didn’t answer immediately._

_“Yes” she said finally. “Why wouldn’t I?”_

_“Are you running away from something?”_

_The girl stayed silent again, but he waited. She finally shook her head._

_“Do you want some tea or something?” he asked, and she, surprisingly, said yes. “I’m Bokuto. Bokuto Koutarou”, he chuckled, awkwardly, the girl still looking at him. “Everyone calls me Bokuto”.  
_

_He could have asked her so many things, like what was she doing so early in the morning running like she was escaping from something, or why did she accept to drink tea with a stranger. He could also have asked himself why he’d offer tea to a stranger when he had classes that required attendance. But he didn’t. He just took advantage of his serendipity while it lasted._

He woke up confused, with a shrill pain on his temples and the smell of alcohol making him sick. His t-shirt was soaked with the same liquid that wetted the sheets of his bed, which smell stood in his mouth. He looked around the room, glass bottles littering the floor of his apartment, which rent he had stopped paying a while ago. He had lost track on the last time he had been sober; many years had passed since the college parties and drunken nights. He remembered Akaashi had visited him a while ago, and he had said something about the terrible state of his house, or himself, or both. He checked his phone, only to see several missed calls from his friends and teammates, also messages that he decided to ignore as well.

It was two in the morning and his mind wouldn’t stop reminding him all the moments he’d lived with her. The first time he saw her, so pretty, so scared, the morning breeze blowing through her hair: it was almost surreal.

He got up from bed, put on his shoes and went outside. It was almost autumn; the wind was freezing his bones. The first time he kissed her lips. He found himself crying while he walked down the street.

_“I like your hair” he laughed, a hand stroking her locks while she stared at the sea, the waves crashing against the sand; she chuckled as well._

_“You like everything. I’ve never met someone so easy to delight. You’re such a life enthusiast.”_

_“Not everything” he pouted. “I don’t like seaweed, and I really hate when people don’t take me seriously. I also hate math because I’m not good at it”._

_She laughed again, fascinated to see the boy so adorably childish._

_“Well, you’re right. I underestimated you. What do you like, then?”_

_Bokuto didn’t think twice._

_“I like you” the girl felt her cheeks heating up; she lied down on the sand, on top of the jacket that Bokuto had left for her. She tried to hide the effect the words of the boy had on her. She had denied her feelings for weeks, while he didn’t have any kind of problem in showing them; however, that was the first time he’d been so blunt. “Cause you’re pretty, and I like pretty things”.  
He lied down by her side._

_“Beauty is subjective” she said without looking at him, trying to ignore the fact that the boy’s hand was caressing her face softly._

_“Not for me”._

_“Well, young man, that’s exactly the definition of subjectivity” she let out a laugh, which he did as well._

_“Not for me” he repeated before crashing his lips onto hers. That wasn’t the best kiss for neither of them, but it surely was the one that sped up their hearts the most. He cupped the girl’s face and moved his lips softly. The response he received was shy, but when they both realized, Bokuto was leaning on the sand, his jacket forgotten long ago, cause the only thing that mattered was that she was on top of him. He could hold her hips against him; he could taste her like he’d wanted to do for so long now._

He remembered how she broke the kiss then and pulled away, telling him that it wasn’t okay. That there was no way to make things work.

“I don’t believe in love” she whispered.

“You don’t believe, or you don’t want to believe?” he never got an answer.

“Please…” that was the last thing she said before disappearing the first time.

However, she didn’t disappear completely. Every time he closed his eyes, he’d see her. By his side, on the bed, he’d see her. When he was outside, on the streets, he’d see her. He’d blink, and suddenly she wasn’t there anymore. It’d leave enough time for his heart to skip a beat, and for his head to make up a bunch of words to say to her, but when he’d get close, she’d be gone again.

_He saw her that morning at the boardwalk. Same time, same place; like the day they met. Like every single day. He didn’t dare to look away, afraid that she’d disappear like every time. He got to be in front of her, confused, he didn’t know if that was real or another hallucination._

_He touched her face and smiled as he felt how soft and cold it was under his touch. He had forgotten how much he liked the coldness of her skin under his warm hands. The perfect combination of their skin tones. Before he could think straight, she was kissing him. He never thought she’d do that, especially after all the things she said while they were together._

_“What the…” she stopped him with another kiss. And then he realized he wasn’t going to get an answer. He had to enjoy the moment while it lasted. He hugged her waist so close to him that he lifted her up. The only thing that mattered was to have her close to him: his nose impregnated with her scent, the touch of her tongue on his, her teeth biting his lower lip softly. He felt complete._

_“I shouldn’t” she whispered between kisses. That broke him._

_“Why not?” he asked. He wondered what could be wrong with something that made him feel so alive, that made him so happy. All those lonely nights were now forgotten. In that moment he knew the true meaning of ‘worth the pain’._

_“I’m a burden. In the end you’ll end up suffering. You’re hurting yourself”_

_“No” he murmured against her lips, not letting her finish. “No”._

_“Bokuto…”_

_“No” he repeated. He thought he knew what she was going through. He wanted to get her out of that hole that didn’t seem to have an end. He wanted to save them both. “We’ll get through this. Trust me”._

_Little did Bokuto know that love doesn’t cure. And even though both of them wanted to believe his words, reality was still the same._

He missed her like he’d never missed anything in his life. He hadn’t stopped thinking about her ever since the last time he saw her, and while he was under the influence of alcohol her memory would be as vivid as the first day. He wandered until he realized he was in her neighborhood, on the same corner, under the same streetlight, where everything started and ended.

_“Will I see you tomorrow?” he whispered against her hair, hugging her. He didn’t want to let her go, not even for a few hours, because she may run away. She nodded and his muscles relaxed. He kissed her lips softly. Bokuto knew he had to be careful: she wasn’t into sudden signs of affection. He had been able to cross her barrier, but he couldn’t be sure that she wouldn’t kick him out anytime. Luckily, she liked his gesture and pulled him towards her, deepening the kiss._

_“Stay” she whispered, taking Bokuto by surprise._

_“What?”_

_“Stay with me tonight”. He didn’t respond right away, just kissed her again, more passionate. The answer was more than obvious._

_They crossed the doorway. She didn’t bother to turn on the lights, but Bokuto didn’t care about their surroundings. The only thing he cared about was the way the light in the streets lit up her skin making her glow, that was way more interesting that anything._

_She pulled him towards her again, tiptoeing, because he was way taller and bigger than her. He always liked how his head stood out on their shadow while they walked down the shore, or how she’d bury her head in his chest while he hugged her effortlessly, his shoulders protecting her from everything. He felt like he could keep her safe from anything, but it was him who felt safe._

_She took his hand and led him upstairs. From time to time she’d turned to look at him, the grin on her face enough to stop his heart._

_When she had him in front of her, kissing him, with the back of his knees on the edge of the bed, he asked himself if he was doing the right thing. The moment she lightly pushed him, and he fell on top of the mattress, Bokuto knew he was fucked and right thing or not, he couldn’t stop now. She straddled him and he put his hands on her hips, sinking his fingers on the skin at the beginning of her thighs so hard it’d leave a mark the next day. It’d be a pity to leave bruises on her soft skin, but in that moment, he felt the need to make her his._

_And then he noticed she was the one in control, and he didn’t like that. In the blink of an eye her back was facing the mattress and he was hovering over her._

_He looked down at her, she was beautiful. The moonlight mixed with the streetlights peeked between the gaps of the curtains, showering her skin, making it look like silk, and she looked like marble. She was like marble, so cold, so hard and so smooth. As stunning as the finest sculpture he had ever seen. She was beautiful, and she was his. At least, in that moment, she was.  
When she put her hands on his neck and stroked his hair, entangling her fingers on his silver locks, he kissed her like he’d never done before. He didn’t care it was sudden, he didn’t care that it could ruin the moment, he just got carried away and explored her mouth as he liked. She sighed in contentment, which led him to keep following his instincts._

_The view of the boy's head between her thighs was more than enough to drive her crazy, and he would’ve kept doing so all night, enjoying her pleasure._

_“God, Kou” she sighed again, cupping his face when their faces were on the same level, and he swore that every time his name slipped from her lips, his life became less sad, “if you keep doing that, you’re gonna kill me”._

_“Definitely not my intention” he laughed against her lips before kissing her vehemently. He noticed her smiling during the kiss, and then he realized how much he’d wanted to reach that level of complicity. When the girl put her cold hands on the small of his back, tugging the waist of his jeans, his blood froze. She put her legs around his waist._

_“You’re too much” he whispered against her ear before biting her lobe._

_“Shut up”, she said before pulling him towards her once more, biting his lower lip. She’d never wanted to know the effect she had on other people, whether it was good or bad; Bokuto, however, was always super vocal, and had the need to remind her all the time how crazy she drove him, how pretty she was, how much he needed her, not only with words, but with actions. She hated to admit that he was making her feel all the things she’d been running away from all her life. She liked him so much that, sometimes, when he hugged her like there was no tomorrow, she’d forget about the void that oppressed her chest every night. “I’m condemned” she murmured for herself between kisses. Bokuto didn’t know what she was talking about, but he didn’t ask. In that moment he didn’t know the future consequences of the girl’s words._

_She was a broken glass, yet he touched her even though he knew he’d end up wounded._

_She opened her eyes and she saw him, hair sticking to his forehead, a drop of sweat on the tip of his nose. Lips parted, hoarse moans coming from them. She then really grasped how handsome he was. Artistic, even. Seeing him in that state of absolute vulnerability made her heart skip a beat it even hurt her; but she didn’t care. She tightened up the grip on his shoulders, making him open his golden eyes to look at her. And he kissed her like it was the only thing he could do in the world. And when she felt the boy biting that soft spot on her neck, she couldn’t take it longer. Her breathing speeding up, her moans tearing her throat apart. Bokuto felt her body trembling and he knew he’d achieved his purpose once more._

_“I love you” she said with the weakest voice, the aftermath of ecstasy she’d suffered seconds ago. The boy blinked a few times in disbelief. He never imagined her being the first one to say it, heck, he didn’t even expect her to say it at all. From that moment he knew there was no going back. The physical, mental and emotional link between them was so strong that, no matter how they would end up, a part of hers would stay inside him. And it’d never go away._

The breeze hit his face, freezing his skin as it got in touch with the tears that fell out of his eyes, fixed on the window of the room where everything happened. He could still see her, tying her hair up in a ponytail before staring at him while he pretended to sleep.

_“You suck at acting, you know?” she laughed, and he was sure he’d just heard an angel. “I saw you open your eyes five times now”._

_“Boo”, he said with a smile on his face, getting up until he was at the same level as her. “You caught me, now I have to do everything you say”._

_She pretended to be offended._

_“Weren’t you gonna do it anyway?”_

_“You caught me again” they both laughed, a sight Bokuto still hadn’t gotten used to. “What do you want me to do?”_

_“Breakfast, maybe?”_

_“Your wish is my command”. He got up from the bed putting on his boxers and went downstairs after giving her a peck on the lips. To be honest, he wasn’t even good at cooking, but if she’d asked him to go get the moon, he would’ve gone up in the sky and would’ve brought it with his bare hands. When he saw her dressed in his t-shirt, he swore he never, in his 24 years of life, had seen such an ethereal image. He loved her. He wanted her with him for the rest of their days._

_He still could remember the taste of her lips mixed with butter and orange juice._

_She reassured him that it was the best breakfast that she’d ever eaten in her life and Bokuto knew she lied, but it didn’t matter, cause for her there was nothing he wouldn’t do, and she had more than enough with him by her side. Even though she didn’t believe in love, they couldn’t deny their butterflies. Little did they know, that night was the first and the last they’d spend together._

The ground under his knees was too cold and the rain was wetting his jeans, but he didn’t care. The only thing he wanted in that moment was to live everything one more time, the flashbacks weren’t enough anymore, neither were the hallucinations. He was going crazy, he knew it. He needed to see her again; he needed her by his side.

He ran to the front door, not caring to look at the clock that said it was 3:02am. It didn’t matter, he had to find her. He knew she wasn’t there anymore, that she hadn’t lived there for months now. It didn’t matter, he would find her. He would ask her to marry him right there.

It wasn’t a surprise to see unfamiliar faces in the house she used to live in, but he was still disappointed. “She moved away” was the only thing he heard, totally ignoring how the neighbors were scolding him for waking them up in the middle of the night. One more time, it didn’t matter. The rain was mixing up with his tears. The butterflies were dying.

It was funny how it’d been raining all day. He didn’t think much of it then, but it was starting to make sense. He could see now that all of those clouds were following him in his desperate endeavor to find her, wherever she may be. He sighed.

On his mind just a sentence: _“I guess I’ll go home now”._

In his mailbox a letter that had been months unopened; a letter without sender, written with trembling handwriting.

_Forgive me for everything. I’m not coming back. I’ve done something terrible, but you’ll thank me in the future. I’m still with you, I always will, even if I’m thousands of feet off the ground; taking care of you, like you did with me. I hope you can forget me soon; I hope you can move on as if I had never gone through your life at all. I love you._

In his mouth a bitter taste. He wasn’t even aware of what had become of her.

Before starting the way back home, he repeated himself: _“I guess I’ll go home”._

**Author's Note:**

> Based on All Time Low’s Remembering Sunday. English is not my first language and this was my first one shot, so bear with me.  
> Feedback, kudos etc are appreciated!! If you have read this same scenario on tumblr but with a kpop idol a while ago,,,,,,,,,,,no you didn't lol just kidding, it was mine. I changed the characters because I wanted to contribute to the fandom while also being lazy, however, I tweaked it a little bit. Also because I love Bokuto, and I wanted to do it.


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